Thursday, January 5, 2012 of one...Pity?

So far this year isn't going so hot.  I guess, I should be happy that in the snow storm I have run 3 times this year.  I did get my Cycle Day 3 labwork done (waiting for results).  I am still scheduled to get more labwork done after I ovulate.  The HSG test cannot get scheduled for this cycle.  This is the test I have been trying to get done since October.  This time there is no radiologist who is able to assist on the procedure.  I am very upset by this and after shedding some tears, I am trying to pick myself back up.

It is SO hard with Jeff gone Monday morning through Friday evenings.  I miss him even if we just sit on our couches and watch TV together at least we are TOGETHER.  Last night I came home from running, took a shower and sat by myself  until I decided to just go to bed to watch TV.  It is so lonely.

I am really struggling with the fact that I should be having a baby in six weeks instead of still trying to get pregnant.  I am still not 'over' losing the baby.  Apparently, everyone things I should be fine and dandy, but I am not, maybe I would feel better if I were pregnant again, but maybe not.  I am still mourning the loss of our first baby.


  1. Michelle,

    Hi...I would love to e-mail you, but I must have had your e-mail saved in my other account. Can you drop me an e-mail at: so I have yours?

    Blessings! Ashley (from An Orphan's Wish)

  2. Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. I don't know when the ache from loosing your baby will go away or get easier. However, your feeling is yours & the pain you feel must go straight to your heart. I wish I could wave that ole magic wand & make it easier for you.

    You know that G-d has a plan for you. Your path is hard, but your belief system will get you where you need to be when it is time.

    I've never been able to get pregnant, & it took YEARS for me to come to terms with that fact. David supported me right from the beginning. My belief system allowed me to heal & be ready for what G-d had in mind also.