Y Youth Triathlon

My friend's daughter Kendell, who is five competed in the YMCA Youth Triathlon.  The events distances were by age.  For the five year olds they had to swim the width of the pool, bike 1/2 mile and then run 1/4 a mile.  These kids were so awesome! 
I didn't see Kendell do the swim as the pool deck is very crowded and I didn't want to be in the way.

After the swim and headed to T1

                                                                           Here is K now on her way out for her half mile bike ride!

Out of T2 and on her 1/4 mile run!  At this point, I am fairly certain that she is in first place over all for her age group and absolutely in first place for girls!

Heading to th finish chute!  GO GIRL!!!!

K and her hardware!

A hug from little sis and the day is complete!

Two weeks

I SO wish I wre typing that I was 9 weeks 5 days...but alas, I am 2 weeks post miscarriage.  I have periods of where I forget and then when I remember the sadness overtakes me.  I am trying so hard not to swell on everything that happened and just look toward the future.

This week was a week of just getting stuff done.  We leave for vacation in 6 days.  The next 6 days are going to be BUSY!  A good busy!  Yesterday we went over to the outlet mall and got some clothes for Jeff to take on vacation.  {I also got a coach purse}  we went to dinner at Primanti's.  Which brings me to another topic...I now weigh more post pregnancy than I did while pregnant! 

THIS. MUST. CHANGE.

I haven't really had the desire to work out or eat properly at all.  I have hd no interest in cooking - healthy or otherwise.  Tomorrow I will get into the groove. 

Now, I am going to go get ready to see the Y-tri {kid's version}  My friend , Meghan's daughter is articipating.  I am going to take pictures!  :)

More closure

Today I took down the Happy Fathers-day-to-be cards that Jeff got for Father's Day.  I also put way the Pregnancy journal that I had purchased.  I just can't deal with those items out anymore. 

My mom has a baby shower this weekend, so I took her to Babies R Us.  It was not fun, but I managed.  I told her to have an idea of what she wanted to get before getting there, so we weren't there too long.  I tried to not look around too much.

How Tu-Tu Cute!

Isn't she just the cutest little red-head?!?

Charlotte York

Today is sweet Addie's First Birthday Party.  I am truthfully in no mood to be around a group of people.  But I am excited to see Addie dive into the smash cake.  It dawned on my the other day that I would just be like Charlotte in Sex and the City.  If you remember Charlotte suffered a miscarriage and spent days in front of the tv in a state of depression.  She was watching E! True Hollywood Story Elizabeth Taylor.  Charlotte realized that in time of darkness, you have to overcome and get stronger.  So, I shall do just that!  Big gift and lots of pictures.

First Run

I went out for my first run post miscarriage.  It felt good to pound the pavement. I went to the hike/bike and I made no attempt to try to make a certain time.  I just ran.  I did a nice three miles and it felt good. 

It is interesting, I didn't have a whole lot of pregnancy symptoms except for exhaustion.  But now that I am no longer pregnant I feel 'empty'  I guess I felt more pregnant than I realized. 

Totally the right decision

So, I met with the new doctor today.  First, I had an ultrasound and the tech was wonderful.  She was very nice and explained everything very clearly. 

Then, I met with the nurse.  She went over office policies.  She said that when I would call, I would be transferred to the nurse then she would put the doctor on the phone.  SERIOUSLY, the doctor gets on the phone!!!  How awesome is that??? Then she said that they like to bring patients in to be seen, just to be sure there are no problems.  She said that way the doctor can sleep better at night!  WOW, you don't have to beg for an appointment! 

The doctor came in and spoke to Jeff and I for close to an hour.  He liked my diligence!  He sat and listened.  He will basically do whatever I want to keep me calm.  He also told me I could have caffeine.  HELLOOOOOO Starbucks - well, really Dunkin Donuts...my favorite...until Starbucks Pumpkin Spice comes back!

I feel so much better and I feel like this was absolutely the right decision. 

On a different note...I got a phone call from the baby killer and was asked WHY I was transferring.  Um...yeah. I said first I don't have to give them an answer...secondly...and I gave them an earful....after 20 years she couldn't squeeze me in but a doctor I had never seen before could see me.  That speaks volumes.

I am sad I had to go through this process, but I am so happy to have a doctor who is so understanding.

Now, let the games begin.  Oh, I can start running when I feel comfortable doing so!

New Beginnings

So, let me go back to Sunday when the doctor said called my office of Tuesday so that we can squeeze you in to be seen.  I called the office at 8:31.  When I got a call back from the nurse the soonest they could get me in was Thursday at 11.  (My original appointment for a repeat ultrasound).  When I asked for an appointment first thing so I wouldn't have to sit in a aiting room with pregnant women for up to 2 hours.  The nurse simply said ...um, nope, they can't get me in.

Needless to say, I was furious about this and couldn't believe that a doctor that I have gone to for 10+ years couldn't squeeze me in.  I am not one to call or demand an appointment unless it is a problem.  Other than this pregnancy, I am certain that I can count on one hand the number of times I actually called with a problem in 10+ years. 

My plan was to finish this pregnancy with the old doctor and then switch..well, now I had dcided that there was NO WAY, I could go back to that office.  There is no communication, there is no sympathy.  I just can't deal.

I called new doctor, and told my story and the nurse asked me to hold for a minute.  She quickly came back and I was told the doctor feel that you have to wait is unacceptable he is able to squeeze me in Wednesday...I will have an ultrasound and then have an appointment with the doctor.  A doctor I have never seen before is willing to help me out.  The office will call and get records and cancel all appointments.

I have a sense of relief, I feel like I have made the right decision for us and I am liking the idea that this doctor will listen to me and respond appropriately rather than brushing me off.

8 weeks

I should be eight weeks today.  That is two months.  In seven months I should have been waiting to see my baby.  Instead I sit here waiting to call the doctor so I can get a confirmation of a miscarriage.  I am not sure why I need confirmation since I know what happened.  I do NOT want a D&C.  From what I have read I would need to wait longer to start trying to get pregnant again.  I suffered through the weekend without medical intervention, therefore I do not want it now.  I can't wait for vacation in 18 days.  I need time away.

Why?

Why are miscarriages a taboo topic?  If one in three women has one then why isn't it a more discussed topic? Why shouldn't I tell people I had a miscarriage?  I saw a heartbeat, that means that there was a baby that died.  If a baby was born and had died that would certainly be discussed.  I know that there are no right words to say...but really the comments of 'you can try again' or 'it is for the best' are really pathetic.  Why don't people understand I lost my baby?  I lost everything that consumed my thoughts for seven weeks.  We SO wanted this baby and were looking so forward to having the baby bean join our family.  Now I just have a bloated, empty belly, that I am not supposed to talk about. UGGGGHHHHH.

Sad Day

I woke up this moring with excruciating pain/cramps.  I began bleeding pretty heavily.  I tried to remain calm I woke Jeff at about 2:15.  We called the doctor at 2:30.  The doctor basically told me that there was nothing that they could do until Tuesday.  For the pain, I could just take Tylenol. 

I did finally fall back to sleep about 4-ish.  They had horrible cramping until 9:30 this morning.  I have passed some major clots and had quite  bit of bleeding.  

So now we lick our wounds and will start trying again - hopefully I will be pregnant again soon.

Nothing like an afternoon at the ED

I woke up today and went to my parent's house to clean, then came home and rested and made chocolate chip cookies.  I was getting ready for church and went to the bathroom and when I wiped there was more blood there than ever before.  I am sure I panicked but they said to go to the ED if the bleeding got worse or if there were cramps.  I am not cramping.  We got there and they did an ultrasound and really couldn't tell us much.  They couldn't see the baby or the baby's heartbeat.  The doctor said that their machines aren't as good as the doctors and it also depends on the way the baby is positioned.  They did say that my cervix is closed, so that is good as it shows that I am not actively miscarrying.

I am supposed to rest until I see the doctor...UUUGGGHHHHHHH!

You know how you just have a feeling about things?  Like intuition or premonition...I just feel like this baby isn't going to make it.  I am trying so hard to be positive, but I feel like I have to proctect myself and my heart.  I had a horrible dream last week that I miscarried and I am trying to prepare myself for the u/s on Thursday.  I just feel like there won't be a viable baby anymore.

Jeff and I have chatted about it and we will just try again.  We will have a baby. I did make the decision that I would be transferring doctors.  I am just not very happy with the way I have been handled at my current doctor.  I am not one to easily switch doctors but I think it is necessary.

First Ultrasound - 6/30/11

Yesterday morning at 8:00 AM was the day I had been waiting for for years and years or so it seemed!  We got to the doctor's office at 7:55 and were quickly called back for the Ultrasound.  It was a transvaginal u/s so well, that was fun.  She told me I was measuring small...at like 5 weeks 2 days.  She said that the gestational sac and yolk was there as well as a sweet little flutter of a heartbeat.  It was so exciting.  Because the measuring is behind, I will have another u/s next Thursday at 6 weeks 2 days.  My due date will then probably change to 2/25/11.  Next week we should be able to get a heart rate which is what I am really looking forward to hearing. 

I don't understand the 2 week difference.  I have my dates because yes, you guessed it I charted everything.  Whatever, as long as the baby is healthy, that is fine by me!

UPDATE:  I called my doctor's office because I am an annoying patient.  I wanted reassurance that all is well.  The second u/s is for dating because there is a discrepancy between dates.  We should be ble to get the heartrate and the nurse has assurred me that there is nothing to worry about!  AMEN!!